Hopes and Fears
by RatherBeAWriter
Summary: JJ and Will get the news they've been longing for and it comes with a tidal wave of emotion. How will they cope with another pregnancy after everything they've been through? Set in the future after 200.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a one-shot which I imagine to be about 6 months or so after the ending of Right Here. Although if you've not read that, just think of it as some time after 200 (so there are slight spoilers from that episode). Anyway, I kind of like the idea of writing a JJ and Will pregnancy and baby fic that ties in with how I imagined their recovery post-200. Might write that as a multi-chapter story at some point but for now I wanted to get over the block which was stopping me working on my other stories so I wrote this.**

**Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy it :) **

Excitement. And then a flash of paralysing fear. Then an odd sense of melancholy as she remembered the last time. Followed quickly by a spark of joy that ignited and seemed to swell within her.

Taking a breath to stabilise her emotions, she glanced down at the object she held in her shaking hands – just in case she was mistaken. She wasn't. And the warmth generated by the spark spread to her limbs. Was it possible for a human body to emit an actual, visible glow?

Downstairs, the front door opened and she heard Henry excitedly greet his father. The smile on her face only grew as she listened to her son babble away about his day at school.

"Momma's in the toilet," the little boy answered, in response to his father's question about her whereabouts. She laughed at his childish directness. Henry had been known to answer the phone with the same blunt and honest response, which provided her colleagues with much amusement.

It was as though Will knew it the moment he realised his wife was in the bathroom. Instead of giving in to Henry's requests to join him in building whichever Lego creation was the project of the day, he dashed straight up to find her, feeling an extra spring in his step as he reached the top of the stairs.

She met him in the bathroom doorway, her glistening eyes confirming the possibility which had already planted itself in his head. JJ wasn't so overtly emotional under ordinary circumstances; it wouldn't have been a useful quality in her line of work. But right now, she couldn't control her expression. The small white stick she gripped in her hand wasn't even necessary to explain the situation.

"Really?" he breathed, as her joy seemed to overspill and leave its mark across his face. They'd had some truly happy times in the years they'd spent together but, other than at Henry's birth, she didn't think she'd ever seen Will smile so widely that his entire face seemed to light up.

She bit down on her lip, in an attempt to control the overwhelming rush of emotion which coursed through her veins, and nodded slowly. There were no words appropriate to accompany the moment. So she watched, through her own watery eyes, as her husband let a few tears spill onto his cheeks. She released the pressure on her lip and felt her own mouth slide into a broad grin.

"I love you so much," he whispered, pulling her close and wrapping her tightly in his arms. Wrapping them tightly in his arms.

"I love you too," she breathed, against the soft warmth of his shirt, which was now damp with happy tears.

"Momma? Daddy? What are we having for dinner?" Henry shouted from the bottom of the stairs. His parents laughed as their perfect moment was shattered in the most perfect way. They each dried their eyes with their sleeves and took a second to regain their composure.

"I think we should order pizza tonight," Will called back to his son, clearing his throat of the choked up sensation. "What do you think?"

Henry cheered at the unexpected treat of take-out on a school night.

"And how about you, Momma?" he added, laying his hand across JJ's, for the time being, flat stomach, and prolonging their long-awaited burst of happiness. She simply smiled again and placed her hand over his.

"Whatever you think, Daddy."

/  
/

It was about a week later that the flash of fear returned. A doctor's appointment to confirm her pregnancy had brought home the fact that it was real; she really had another life growing inside her. A life which she was supposed to nurture and protect until it could survive in the world. And that was terrifying.

"Will?" she whispered, in the dark of their bedroom. "Will, are you awake?" She felt bad disturbing his sleep but she had so many thoughts racing around her head and she couldn't address them all by herself.

Will sighed slightly, accepting that she wasn't simply going to settle down. He'd been wakened for about half an hour with her tossing and turning but had hoped that if she wasn't made aware of this then she'd just close her eyes again. She needed her rest. Whether she was willing to admit that or not.

"What's wrong?" he asked, rolling over to face her.

"I'm thinking," she replied, without giving much away. "About the baby." He'd guessed that much. "This is really happening," she stated, staring up at the ceiling, her wide eyes reflecting the limited light that could be found in their room.

"Yeah, it is," he replied, a small smile forming on his lips, as it did every time he thought of their unborn child.

"But what if something goes wrong?" she worried aloud. "What if there's something wrong with the baby, or with me? Or with both of us? I could lose it. Again. I could get hurt. Or it could just happen. Our baby's heart could just stop beating. And I might not even notice. How can I be sure I'm doing the right things? There's so much I could be getting wrong and…"

"Calm down," Will cut her off, firmly but soothingly. He sat up so he could look her in the eye. "I'm scared too," he admitted. "But it's not like before. You can do things to keep yourself safe at work." He didn't specify what these "things" entailed, in order to put off the inevitable dispute about her staying out of the field until it was at least a daylight hour.

"Bad things can happen no matter what we do," she frowned. Neither of them needed reminding of that fact – they saw it all too often with strangers and with colleagues.

"But you can't let that scare you," he insisted, running his hand through her hair and positioning himself so that he could lay a protective arm across her body.

"I can't lose this baby," she stated and though her tone remained calm and even, he knew this was the root of her fear.

"I know," he whispered, pressing his lips against the side of her head as he pulled her closer. Though he desperately wanted to reassure her, he felt the very same way; he wasn't sure he could handle another trauma so soon. "But we have to take this a day at a time." He hoped his attempt at a sensible approach to their fear was convincing.

"A day at a time?" she repeated, with a slight questioning intonation at the end of the phrase. That seemed a little more bearable. She hadn't been able to think of her concerns in more manageable pieces. She blamed the hormones and told herself this was exactly why she had woken her husband.

"Yeah, and today you need to rest," he replied, with a quiet laugh.

"OK," she agreed, noting his undisguised hint. She curled against him and vowed to herself that she would try to shut off her overactive mind. Her silence lasted a few minutes, in which neither party really attempted to close their eyes.

"We're really doing this; we're really pregnant," she whispered with an air of disbelief, as she repeated the sentiment which had begun their conversation.

Wrapping his arm around her stomach in the process, he reached for her hand under the covers, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I know," he whispered, his voice reflecting the same emotions that muddled in her brain.

And eventually they fell asleep, accepting that each day, for the foreseeable future, they would be living with the ever-present threat that their worst fears would be realised, but also with the equally constant hope that it would all be worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I debated keeping the first chapter as a one-shot and then posting this story separately but figured it made sense to keep it all in one place. Prepare for lots of fluff and the occasional bit of angst. I hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Criminal Minds**

/  
/

JJ was about seven weeks along when the morning sickness first hit; Will felt simultaneously guilty and grateful that their relationship had still been long distance when she was pregnant with Henry. On this particular morning, he and Henry were already in the kitchen eating breakfast, when she joined them, looking pale and shaky from throwing up.

"You doin' OK?" he asked with a sympathetic smile, as he passed her a mug of ginger tea.

"I'm fine," she assured him, raising her eyebrows slightly and tilting her head towards Henry, who was sitting at the table pushing his toy car through a tunnel made from the toast Will had intended for him to eat. They had agreed not to tell their son about the pregnancy until she was much further along and she was trying her hardest to disguise her symptoms from him. Henry was a very inquisitive child and she'd rather not have to answer too many questions.

"Do you want somethin' to eat?" Will asked, offering her some of the eggs and bacon that were cooking in the pan.

JJ immediately turned even paler as she eyed the grease in the pan and smelled the hot fat of the bacon. She lifted the mug to her lips in the hope that a sip of tea might settle her stomach, but the ginger proved to be nothing more than a further assault on her senses. The cup was quickly slammed onto the counter as she spun round and vomited into the sink.

"I'll take that as a no then," Will smiled, as he rubbed circles on her back and brushed strands of hair out of her face.

"Good guess," she responded, before she turned on the tap to rinse out her mouth and the sink. "And I don't think the tea works either," she added, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and screwing up her face at the offensive drink.

"Momma, are you OK?" Henry asked. He had stopped playing with his toy car and was watching his parents with a simultaneously worried and puzzled expression on his face.

"I'm fine, Henry," JJ responded with a smile. "I just feel a bit sick today."

"Do you want my blanket?" he asked, referring to the comforter which they used to make up a bed on the sofa when Henry was home sick.

"I have to go to work," she explained, wishing that she was six years old and could curl up under a blanket for the day.

"But you can't," Henry replied as the puzzled frown worked its way onto his face once again.

"Why not?"

"'Cause you have to stay home for two days if you're being sick," Henry informed her matter-of-factly.

JJ and Will shared a smile at Henry's recital of his school's policy on keeping sick children out of school for 48 hours.

"Grown-ups have different rules," Will explained. "But I'm sure Hotch would let Momma stay at home if she really needed to," he added, directing his suggestion to JJ. Though he was reluctant to say anything, she really didn't look well and he knew he'd feel much happier if she was safe at home rather than out chasing serial killers.

"Momma doesn't need to stay home," she replied light-heartedly enough so as to reassure Henry, but with a tone that warned Will not to push the matter. "Henry, can you get dressed for school please?" she asked, changing the subject. "We don't want to be late."

Henry agreed and got down from the table, making his way upstairs and leaving his parents alone.

"I wish you'd tell Hotch," Will sighed, when Henry was out of earshot. He'd worry less about her morning sickness if she wasn't trying so hard to hide it.

"Not yet," JJ replied shortly. "And please don't start again – I don't want to fight." She turned away from him and retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge. She felt a sense of relief when she was able to take a few sips without her stomach protesting.

"I don't wanna fight either," Will told her softly as he stepped towards her. "But I worry about you." He wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed into his hold.

"I know you do," she agreed, looking up into his eyes. "But I'll be fine." She leaned closer to kiss him but he shook his head and stepped to the side.

"I'll kiss you when you've eaten a piece of toast," he bargained, insistent that she should have some food in her system if she was going to work. "And when you've brushed your teeth," he added with a grin.

She laughed lightly, shaking her head, as she headed off to get ready for work. But she grabbed some toast from the table on her way out of the kitchen.

/  
/

Why did they all have to drink so much coffee? JJ sat in the conference room, which might as well have been considered her own personal hell, and tried to block out the smell coming from the mugs and take-away cups which her colleagues clutched like the liquid was essential for life. They were discussing a case, which thankfully wasn't going to involve out of state travel, but she hadn't really taken in much of what was being said. She was too busy trying to figure out whether she was irritable because she was craving caffeine or if it was because the smell was making her nauseous.

"JJ, what do you think?" Hotch asked, and suddenly the team were all looking at her expectantly.

"I… uh… well…" She took a deep breath and admitted that there was no way she could attempt an answer to the unknown question. "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," she apologised. "What did you say?"

"Is everything OK, JJ?" Hotch frowned, narrowing his eyes at the blonde agent. It wasn't at all like her to zone out in the middle of a meeting

"Everything's fine," she replied quickly. "I'm just tired – Henry was sick through the night," she lied, hoping she was convincing enough to fool a room of profilers.

"Are you sure you're not sick too?" Reid asked. "You look kind of pale," he added with a frown.

"He's right," Blake agreed, reaching out to feel JJ's forehead with her hand.

"Way to give a girl a confidence boost!" she laughed, pulling away from Alex and attempting to show the team that there was nothing wrong. "Can we just get back to work? I promise to pay attention this time."

"You're sure you're OK to continue?" Hotch checked.

"I'm sure," she nodded, and much to her relief, everyone slowly returned their attention to the case.

/  
/

Lunchtime provided JJ with a much needed opportunity to spend some time alone at her desk. Getting through the morning, without making any quick dashes to the ladies' room or giving her colleagues any further cause for concern, had really taken it out of her. She knew she should be eating but she couldn't think of anything edible which wouldn't worsen her nausea. So instead she scrolled through her emails, and felt her eyelids drooping more with each line. Snuggling under Henry's comforter was becoming a more attractive option by the second.

After ten minutes or so, her quiet bubble was interrupted by approaching footsteps, and she turned round to see one of the staff from reception walking towards her with a paper bag.

"Agent Jareau, your husband dropped this off for you," the man explained, setting the bag down on her desk.

"Thanks," JJ replied, visibly puzzling over what Will could possibly have delivered.

Once she was alone, she opened the bag to find a polystyrene container of chicken soup and a package of crackers. There was also a note, instructing her to eat and reminding her to take it easy. Smiling to herself she immediately reached for her cell phone and dialled his number. He answered after the first ring.

"You could have come up to see me," she said, the smile evident in her voice.

"I didn't think you'd want anyone seein' that I was makin' a fuss," he replied. "Now are you gonna eat your lunch?"

"I'll try," she answered honestly.

"How you feelin'?" he asked, a hint of concern discernible as he spoke.

"I've been better," she admitted. "But I'm OK."

"Only five hours til you come home," he reminded her. "And then I'll be able to look after you properly."

"I'm pregnant; not sick," she pointed out.

"Doesn't mean I can't take care of my girl."

"Thank you," she replied. If she was being honest with herself she couldn't wait to be at home with Will. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They ended the call and JJ turned her attention to the soup and crackers. True to her word, she took a few tentative spoonfuls of the hot broth and nibbled the edge of a cracker. She certainly wasn't going to get through her meal quickly, but it did make her feel a little better.

/  
/

The afternoon was not an improvement on the morning. In fact, JJ found she was struggling even more to put on a front for her colleagues. It didn't help that she, Hotch and Morgan were out at the disposal site where their UNSUB's latest victim had been found. The smell of rotting trash and urine, which emanated from the alley, would have been bad enough on a regular day, but today it was all but unbearable.

"You're really not OK, are you?" Morgan asked, as she leaned against the hood of the SUV and concentrated on her breathing. He'd seen her face turn from the pale sheen she'd been sporting that morning to something which could only be described as a shade of green.

"I'd be all right if I could breathe some fresh air," she muttered, watching Hotch return from speaking to the police detective on the case.

"Detective O'Connor's happy for us to take a look at the body now," the unit chief confirmed, holding up the yellow crime scene tape to allow JJ through. She took a couple of steps before she realised that breathing techniques alone were not going to stop her churning stomach.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, her hand flying to her mouth as she dashed away from her colleagues and emptied her stomach of Will's carefully selected lunch.

Hotch and Morgan exchanged a worried glance before Hotch volunteered to go after her and make sure she was OK.

"JJ," he called softly as he approached.

"I'm sorry, Hotch," came her automatic response, as she looked at him and cringed at what he'd just witnessed.

"Don't apologise," he told her. "You're sick; you can't help that."

"I feel better now that…" She was going to insist that she could return to work, but Hotch cut her off and beat her to it with his own suggestion.

"Go home, JJ," he instructed.

"But Hotch," she began to protest, only to be cut off once again.

"No arguments. I'll get a police officer to drive you and then I don't want to see you until you're better, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," she agreed, her defensive expression softening.

"And JJ?" he added, before he called over one of the officers hovering around the police cordon. "If there's ever a reason you can't work or that will affect your ability to be in the field – if you're sick or something else is going on, I want to remind you that you can tell me."

"I know," she nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable under the scrutinising manner with which he watched her. Was it possible that he had already worked out the real cause of her "sickness"?

/  
/

Will was surprised to see that JJ's car was already parked outside the house when he arrived home with Henry later in the afternoon. She still had another couple of hours before she was due to finish work.

"JJ!" he called, as they stepped into the hall, and Henry rushed straight through to the living room in search of his mother.

"Found her!" the boy shouted, before he'd even had a chance to close the door.

Entering the living room and joining his family, Will wasn't sure whether to laugh at his wife or

"Hi," she greeted him with a drowsy smile as she looked up from her position on the sofa, where she had been sleeping wrapped in Henry's comforter.

"What happened to you?" he asked, perching on the arm of the sofa and bending over to kiss her forehead.

"Hotch sent me home," she explained, embarrassment flickering across her face. "I threw up at the disposal site." She screwed up her face and pulled the blanket over herself to hide the renewed sense of humiliation she felt at the memory.

"What am I gonna do with you?" he grinned, pulling back the blanket and gently running his fingers through her hair. "You feelin' any better now?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm just tired now."

He smiled sympathetically and continued to stroke her head in a soothing manner.

"How was school today?" JJ asked Henry in a bright voice, not wanting him to see how exhausted she really felt.

"I got a certificate," he announced proudly. "It's in my bag." He rushed into the hall to retrieve his award.

"I think Hotch has guessed," JJ told Will in the brief moment they were left alone, her hand skimming over her flat stomach just in case he didn't catch her drift.

"So you're gonna tell him?"

JJ nodded – today had more than proved Will's point that Hotch needed to know what was going on.

"Tomorrow," she promised, stifling a yawn, before Henry returned to the room and she plastered a wide grin across her tired face.

Lying to everyone was just too exhausting to manage for much longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

**Thanks, as always, for the support and feedback. **

**This chapter is one I really wanted to write because I love the conversation JJ and Hotch have when the team find out she's pregnant in season 3 and I really wanted to write a scene where she does confide in him. There will be more of Will and JJ in the next chapter but as much as I adore them together, I don't think it suits JJ's character to have him holding her hand all the time, so I wanted this just to be JJ and Hotch. **

**Anyway, I hope you like it and feel free to let me know what you think :)**

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Will had offered to go with her – he wasn't due at work until later in the morning so it wouldn't have been any trouble. But she'd insisted she would go herself. She'd told him to take Henry to school and stop worrying; she was a big girl and it was only Hotch that she was speaking with. All of that was true, but now, as her shoes clicked across the floor of the quiet bullpen and she approached his office, she wished her husband was by her side. It was irrational, but she was half expecting some kind of seismic shift in the world the instant the words left her mouth. Like somehow it would be all the more real when someone else knew.

She took a deep breath and smoothed down her blouse, momentarily imagining that there was a bump underneath which would give her away before she was ready. Mentally scolding herself for being so nervous, she knocked on the door.

"Come in," came Hotch's reply, almost immediately.

"Hi," she greeted him, with an anxious smile as she stepped inside closing the door behind her in case any of the team should arrive while they were talking.

"JJ, you should be at home," he told her seriously, noticing that she looked as pale and tired as the previous day.

"I need to talk to you about something," she replied. "Have you got a minute?" She looked uneasy and not at all like the confident woman he knew she was.

"Of course – take a seat," he instructed, pointing to the sofa in the corner of the office. He stood up and moved across the room to join her, since something told him this conversation was not one they should have with the formality of a desk between them. "Is everything OK?" he asked with a slight frown.

JJ looked down at her hands, which she clasped and rested on top of her knees. It was just Hotch – why was she letting herself get so worked up?

"I don't know why I'm finding this so hard," she remarked, with an uneasy laugh.

"Is something wrong?" Hotch was becoming more concerned by her odd behaviour.

"No," she assured him. "Well…Not really."

"JJ," he commanded softly, placing his hand tentatively on her shoulder. "What is it you need to tell me?" He studied her face closely, noting the lack of colour in her cheeks and the shadows which surrounded her eyes. She looked worn out - like something was sucking the energy from her.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, before the words could become stuck in her throat.

A smile crept across Hotch's face.

"Is that all?" he breathed with relieved laugh. "For a moment there I thought you were going to tell me you were seriously ill!"

"I'm sorry," she replied with an apologetic smile. "We haven't told anyone yet and I didn't know what to say. I thought you might have guessed yesterday."

"That's OK," Hotch assured her, still feeling the sense of relief that there was nothing wrong with his friend. "And I had my suspicions yesterday but I thought you would have told me if that was the case." He widened his eyes, trying to remind her of when she had kept the same secret while pregnant with Henry. It was only because of Will that she had been forced to come clean last time and he'd hoped she'd trust him more if it happened again.

JJ's unease seemed to turn to guilt in response and Hotch immediately felt bad.

"Congratulations, JJ," he offered with a smile. "I'm just glad you've told me now."

"Thank you," she replied, her voice cracking slightly under the strain of an unidentified emotion.

He noticed she wasn't smiling.

"It is good news?" he questioned, not wanting to pry but unable to ignore the fact she looked as though she would burst into tears at any second.

_Not now. Just get a hold of yourself, Jennifer. _As she felt the all too familiar sensation of hot tears pooling in her eyes, JJ begged her out of control, hormonal body to obey her for the next few minutes at least. She really didn't want her morning to involve crying all over her boss. Especially since she already seemed to have momentarily scared him into thinking she was dying.

"Yes, it's good news," she quickly responded, in a quiet voice. She raised her head to face him but to her traitorous eyes he was only a blurry face topped with a dark mass of hair.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong," she assured him shaking her head and trying to blink away the tears. The flood of relief at revealing her secret, the effect of Hotch's kindness, and the fears and memories which were always at the back of her mind were all competing for her attention and her head felt like it might explode. She supposed that in a sense, it was already doing so, in the form of the silent tears which were now spilling down her cheeks.

"JJ, you're crying," he remarked, with a hint of surprise.

"I know I'm crying!" she snapped, wiping her face with her sleeve.

He scanned the room for a box of tissues, which he quickly found and retrieved for JJ. He remembered Haley's tearful outbursts when she was pregnant with Jack, but it was an entirely different matter to see one of the strongest members of his team doing the same.

"I'm really sorry about this," JJ apologised with an embarrassed smile, as she slowly regained control, and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

"It's OK," Hotch replied, returning an understanding smile.

"I wasn't such a mess with Henry," she continued.

"You don't have to explain," Hotch assured her. He could see that she was embarrassed by her uncharacteristic behaviour and he wanted her to feel comfortable again.

"No, I do; I want to," she insisted, straightening up and looking a lot more like herself. She took another deep breath and forced herself to look Hotch in the eye. "I had a miscarriage. It was about three years ago when I was in Afghanistan. I only told Will after… after Askari."

Hotch was watching her with a mix of sympathy and admiration. It amazed him that she could have gone through so much during her time away from the BAU, and during her abduction, and yet still continue with her job with even more commitment than before, or sit before him and calmly recite the details of a personal tragedy.

"So this baby," she continued, her hand drifting to her stomach. "It's a lot for both of us to deal with. We're happy; but it's complicated."

Hotch nodded in understanding.

"I'm so sorry…" he began, but she shook her head to stop him.

"I only wanted to explain why I didn't say anything until now," she informed him. "And why I don't want anyone else to know yet."

"I understand," he assured her. "What do you want to do about work?" He knew there were other practical reasons for her revealing her pregnancy and he was sure it would make her life a little bit easier if they could address them.

"I don't know," she admitted. "Will wants me out of the field and I don't want to put the baby at risk but…"

She didn't need to finish her sentence; he understood. Their work was so much more than just a job. While JJ put her role as a mother first, it didn't mean she could completely sideline her work. Being a profiler and an agent was a part of her and she needed to keep that part alive; she needed to feel that she was doing something for the world into which this child would be born.

"We can work something out," he promised and she knew that he would do everything he could to help her protect her unborn child and do her job.

"Thank you," she replied with a grateful smile.

"But for today, I want you to go home and get some rest – you still look exhausted. Take a few days and then we'll sort out the arrangements surrounding your duties," he ordered, making it clear that those days off were not optional.

"OK," she agreed, standing up to leave before she the tears threatened to begin again.

Hotch also stood up and showed her across the room, pausing and placing his hand on her arm before opening the door.

"Congratulations again," he smiled, a rarely seen look of genuine happiness spreading across his face as he fully processed his agent's good news. "To both of you. If you need anything just let me know."

"We will," she responded, feeling touched by his response. And she was surprised by how much lighter she felt now that she had the support of her unit chief and friend. Will had been right about telling him, and while she would do anything to prevent the "I told you so" she was bound to receive, she was happy that she'd listened to her husband. On this matter at least.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter. This one becomes less serious so I hope you enjoy a lighter read.**

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The weeks passed slowly, but eventually JJ reached the three month mark in her pregnancy. Under instruction from her doctor, Will and even Hotch, she'd tried to relax, but every twinge or new symptom made her blood run cold. In light of her history, and her paranoia, she'd seen her doctor more frequently than would be considered normal, so her twelve-week ultrasound appointment hadn't seemed so monumental. Will, however, thought otherwise.

"You know what this means?" he grinned excitedly, as they left the doctor's office with a scan of their healthy baby tucked safely away in her purse.

"What?" she asked, rather suspiciously.

"We can start tellin' people," he replied, frowning as her face fell into an even more anxious expression. "This is when most people share the news."

"What most people do doesn't matter to me," she replied, her anxiety evident in her voice. "I'm not sure we should say anything yet – there's some disagreement about when the risk of miscarriage drops. Some people argue that it's not until thirteen or fourteen weeks; there are different ways to calculate the end of the first trimester."

"JJ," he sighed, standing still and causing her to stop walking. "You need to stop this." He reached out and touched his hand to her cheek, feeling the tension radiating along her jaw and down her neck. He could tell she wasn't going to give in and he didn't want to add to her stress by making an issue of it. "You're startin' to sound like Spencer with all those books you're readin'," he smiled, lightening the tone.

"I'm just making sure I know all the facts," she responded defensively, brushing away his hand and continuing towards the car.

"JJ," he called after her, gently catching hold of her wrist.

"What?" she snapped, spinning around.

"This isn't our first baby darlin' – you know what to expect; you don't need to spend every night readin' and searchin' for stuff online."

"I know this isn't our first pregnancy," she replied, her words stinging as they left her mouth. He caught sight of the familiar look of pain and guilt flicker across her eyes.

"Everythin' is OK ," he soothed, as she allowed his hand to come to rest on the small of her back. "That's what the doctor was sayin' today - everythin' is normal and our baby has a strong heartbeat. You saw it for yourself," he reminded her gently.

"I know," she agreed, leaning closer to his body. It was true – there was no reason for her to expect anything to go wrong with this pregnancy. "But I just want to wait a little longer before we tell everyone." Her defensive manner had relaxed and Will was relieved to see her expression soften.

"OK," he agreed. "But can I at least tell my Momma?" he smiled. "She keeps askin' me when we're gonna give her another grandbaby!"

JJ laughed slightly and nodded.

"Yes, we can tell your 'Momma'," she replied, unable to resist mocking him a little. "And I do want to tell our friends –I'm just not ready yet."

"That's OK," he assured her, kissing her forehead before they set off towards the car. "Just don't wait as long as it took for you to tell them about us," he added teasingly. "Might be a bit difficult to explain why you're suddenly carryin' around a new baby!"

"Will!" she chastised, though she was laughing and her voice was lighter than it had sounded for a while.

Will grinned as he watched her laughter reflect in her eyes.

"You're beautiful when you smile – I've missed that," he told her, hoping that he'd be seeing a lot more of her glowing and laughing and a lot less of the anxious frown.

/  
/

A few days later the team were on a case in Atlanta. Hotch had become an expert at assigning JJ tasks which would keep her as far from the UNSUB as possible, while still being able to do her job. Today she had been based at the police department's precinct, working on the geographical profile with Reid. Now it was lunchtime and everyone had regrouped to eat and pull together what they had found out over the course of the morning.

JJ was more or less oblivious to everything going on around her. For the past hour her hunger and ridiculously intense cravings were all she had been able to think about. So when the others had decided it was time to take a break, she had practically knocked over a rookie cop in her eagerness to take responsibility for the food run and therefore pick out exactly what she wanted to eat.

And now she could finally satisfy her craving. She unwrapped the paper from around her sub, careful not to waste any of the melted cheese which was spilling out the sides. The smell of the warm pickles made her mouth water, as she took a moment to appreciate her meal before cramming it into her mouth and taking a large bite. She practically had to suppress a moan as she tasted how good it was.

"Do you want us to give you and that sandwich some privacy?" Morgan teased, interrupting her moment of perfection.

She looked up to see that the rest of the team were staring at her with amused expressions.

"What?" she muttered, swallowing her mouthful of food. "I'm hungry."

"Then you go for it, girl," Morgan laughed, raising his hands in mock surrender. He then mumbled something involving the words "Will" and "appetite" under his breath, which judging by the way Blake almost choked on her coffee, was highly inappropriate for the workplace.

She threw him a death glare and he quickly shut up, allowing her to return to her food, albeit with a slightly embarrassed flush about her cheeks.

Little did she know that one member of the team, who had a particularly good memory and a seemingly endless knowledge on just about everything, was beginning to piece together his blonde colleague's peculiar behaviour and working arrangements from the past month. And the hint of a smile formed on his face as he watched her try to elegantly demolish her lunch.

/  
/

"I thought you might be hungry," Reid commented, placing a bag of Cheetos on the desk in front of JJ. It was much later in the day, and the two were again assigned to working from the precinct.

"You better not be continuing from where Morgan left off," she warned, raising her eyebrows at the doctor.

"Not at all," he assured her, turning his attention to his own snack, and setting down his cup of coffee. "I was going to get you some coffee as well but I noticed you've not been drinking it recently," he added, feigning innocence.

"Too much caffeine isn't good for you – I'm cutting back," she shrugged, though she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Spencer couldn't hide the grin that spread across his face.

"What are you smiling at?" she questioned defensively.

"Nothing," he insisted.

"Then stop it."

She opened the bag of Cheetos and popped one into her mouth, trying to play it cool. Of course Reid would be the one to notice all the differences in her routine. But if she didn't respond to the suggestions he was making then he had no proof.

Spencer made no further comment on her sudden increase in appetite following weeks of apparent queasiness, the fact she wasn't drinking coffee, or the fact that Hotch had more or less confined her to working from the relative safety of offices and bullpens.

"What do you make of the fact our UNSUB's hunting ground seems to be centred around places of worship?" he asked, content to return to work now that her defensiveness had convinced him he was right.

However, for the rest of the day he couldn't help but pay more attention to every additional piece of corroborating evidence in her behaviour and appearance. Her secret gave him such a warm sense of happiness and he desperately wanted to congratulate her, but he knew she would have her reasons for remaining quiet. And until she was ready to reveal her news, he wouldn't say a word.

/  
/

It was the middle of the night when JJ returned from Atlanta and crawled into bed beside Will. As was usual, he'd been awake in anticipation of her arrival.

"How was the case?" he asked, wrapping her in his arms and tracing his hand over her slightly swollen abdomen. She didn't really have a bump, but she wasn't as toned as she was three months ago.

"I hate working with profilers," she grumbled. "They notice _everything._"

"Who's figured it out?" he responded, immediately guessing the reason behind her complaint.

"Spencer," she sighed. "He keeps staring and smiling at me."

Will laughed, as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Just wait til Penelope finds out," he smirked, chuckling once again when she buried her face into his chest and groaned.

JJ's friends were the most supportive and loving family they could imagine, but they were also prone to becoming highly excitable or overreacting when something good happened to one of their own. And they knew from past experience that a new baby would bring about a lot of squealing and celebrating.

Maybe JJ's anxiety surrounding the pregnancy wasn't the only reason she was delaying in sharing their news. After all, did she really want to be at the centre of a Garcia-planned baby shower?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: When I was in high school I wrote a story where I put a character on a bus and then couldn't work out how to write it so that she got off the bus without it being really clumsily written. Anyway, that's kind of what happened with JJ not wanting to tell anyone about the baby in this story, so it took me a while to think up a chapter I was happy with. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter and I hope you like this one. **

**/**  
**/**

Thirteen weeks passed. And then fourteen. And fifteen. JJ kept coming up with new excuses to avoid telling the team. She knew it was stupid, and she suspected Reid wasn't the only one to have worked out what was going on. But somehow it seemed easier to tell herself her baby was safe when it was hidden away from the rest of the world. Still, as the lies grew, so did the small bump, and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it concealed under loose shirts for much longer. She promised herself she'd tell them soon; she'd do it the next time there was an appropriate moment to have everyone together. Unfortunately the universe had other ideas.

She was walking down the stairs with Spencer when it happened. It wasn't like it was in the movies, where a character slips and then the scene fades to black before they wake up on ground. Instead, she got to experience every terrifying millisecond. From when she felt herself lose her footing and slip, until she felt her wrist crack as she hit the landing, and every stair-edge that bumped her body on the way there.

"JJ!" Spencer called, watching in horror as she tumbled away from where he could grab hold of her and stop her fall.

"Spence," she whimpered, trying to get up but finding herself frozen with shock.

"JJ, don't move," he instructed, rushing down the half flight of stairs towards her. "Where are you hurt?" he asked urgently, as he crouched by her side.

"I… I think I'm OK," she responded uncertainly. "But the baby…" she trailed off, filled with a renewed sense of fear for what the fall could have done. She no longer cared about keeping her secret.

"Do you have any abdominal or back pain?" he questioned.

"No," she replied, shaking her head. His face told her shocked brain that this was a good sign.

"What about your neck?"

"No. I think it's just my wrist." As the surge of adrenaline which had filled her frightened body became less overwhelming she'd become aware of a sharp pain shooting up her left arm.

"Do you think you can sit up?"

She nodded in response, and slowly and carefully, he helped her into a sitting position, leaning against the wall.

"You're OK," he told her in a surprisingly calm voice, squeezing her good hand reassuringly.

"I'm OK," she repeated, with a shell-shocked expression on her face. Her racing heart was a reminder that she was alive and there was no pain which would suggest something was wrong with the baby. Even so, her mind was back in Afghanistan. It couldn't be happening again.

/  
/

"What happened?" Alex gasped, rushing to pull out a chair for JJ as Spencer guided her into the bullpen.

Spencer's arm hovered protectively around JJ's shoulders and her nose was bleeding from where she had hit it on the edge of a step. Her instinct had been to protect her abdomen rather than her face.

"I slipped on the stairs," she replied, shaking her head at her own stupidity.

"Are you OK?"

"I think so," she answered, though her expression told a different story as her eyes drifted to her stomach.

"Try not to worry," Alex smiled. "Your body's built the way it is for a reason."

"That's what I was telling her," Reid chipped in. "One of the purposes of the amniotic sac is to cushion the foetus from the impacts the mother experiences."

JJ forced a smile and nodded. Nothing they were saying was news to her but that didn't mean it wasn't helpful to be reminded of it. "_This is not the same as an explosion,_" she told herself. "_It was just a few stairs_."

"How long have you all known?" she asked, trying to distract her worried brain, as Morgan passed her some paper towels to clean up her face and she saw that he didn't look at all surprised that they were discussing her pregnancy.

"A while," Rossi answered with a grin and a non-commital shrug.

"Was it meant to be a secret?" Morgan teased, and she laughed despite herself.

Hotch, who had emerged from his office when he realised something was wrong, knew better than anyone how concerned JJ would be about the baby.

"Do you want me to call Will?" he offered, taking charge of the situation.

She looked up at him seeing understanding in his serious but kind expression, and nodded. If she spoke to Will just now she'd definitely become the snivelling wreck she was trying to avoid.

"Reid, can you take JJ to the hospital?" he asked, knowing she would be most comfortable with their resident genius. He could tell the younger profiler was already providing her with reassurance as he gently squeezed her shoulder and recited more facts about how a mother's body was designed to protect an unborn child.

"Of course," Spencer agreed. "Are you OK to walk to the car?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Spence," she assured him. "I just want to get the baby checked out." She hoped the others found her words more convincing than she did. Honestly, she had no idea how she was feeling. She was shaken up, frightened, anxious and possibly even a little relieved that her injuries seemed to be minimal. Overwhelmed. There it was again – that panic inducing feeling that seemed to have followed her around since taking the test.

Morgan watched her carefully as she got up from the chair, grimacing slightly as she inadvertently moved her wrist. She was unnervingly unsteady on her feet and he felt an uncontrollable need to protect her. Reid would probably have some explanation involving the innate animal instinct to protect the females and young of the pack. Morgan just knew he needed to do something to show he was there for his friend.

"How about I drive?" he suggested.

"You don't have to," JJ insisted. "Spencer and I will be fine."

"You really want to subject that little bump to pretty boy's driving?" Morgan grinned, picking up JJ's purse to prevent her having to bend down to retrieve it.

Reid glared at him but tossed the keys in his direction. He didn't really mind that Morgan would be driving because it meant he could get JJ into the hospital more quickly, rather than having to find somewhere to park.

As they headed out to the car, both Reid and Morgan made sure they were close to JJ's side. Normally she'd have made some kind of remark about being able to look after herself; normally they wouldn't have dared to be so openly overprotective. But today it was OK, and JJ felt grateful to have them there. In among the all-consuming concern for her unborn child, one other thought broke through her mind – her friends all knew and the world hadn't imploded. In fact, they were the reason she was holding it together.

/  
/

Less than two hours later, Spencer and Morgan sat with JJ while she waited on Will collecting her from the emergency room. It was amazing how quickly the staff had moved to treat a pregnant federal agent. Having seen for herself that her baby was OK, JJ had relaxed slightly, and was now concerned with how she was going to manage Henry, her job and her pregnancy with a broken wrist. She was also preparing herself for a lot of teasing given that her broken nose was causing two black eyes to develop.

"You guys don't need to stay," she told her friends. "Will won't be long and I'll be fine by myself." Now that she knew no serious harm had been done, she was feeling embarrassed that so much fuss had surrounded something as stupid as her falling down the stairs.

"Don't be stupid JJ – why would we want to get back to paperwork when we can stay here with our very own FBI panda?" Morgan asked, laughing as a reluctant grin appeared on her face.

"That's gonna get old really quickly, Morgan," she replied, shaking her head. Her smile faltered as the ache spread from the centre of her face.

"Seriously, are you sure you're OK?" he asked. In true Agent Jareau fashion she seemed determined to tough out her injuries with nothing more than a minimal dose of over the counter painkillers.

"I'm fine," she repeated for the umpteenth time. "Really!" she added when Spencer opened his mouth to object.

"You sure about that?" asked a voice as they were joined in the room by a rather frazzled looking detective.

"Will," JJ smiled, surprising herself at just how happy she was to see her husband.

"I was out on a call – I came as soon as I got Hotch's message," he told her, pressing a kiss to her forehead and then taking a step back to get a proper look at her injuries.

"We're both all right," she assured him, in response to the intense look of worry which coated his face.

Will glanced between Reid and Morgan, looking for confirmation of his wife's statement. They nodded, and he let out the breath he'd been holding. Seeing Will's struggle with the same heart-stopping fear and overpowering relief that she had experienced was all that it took for the tears which she had so far contained to pool in JJ's eyes.

"We'll leave you two alone," Spencer announced, sensing that the couple needed some privacy.

"Thanks for lookin' after her," Will told both agents, shaking their hands in turn. For JJ's husband, Spencer made an exception to his usual stance on handshakes.

"Take care," Morgan said, patting her arm in a final gesture of support before they left, though he had no doubts that Will had all the support she needed under control.

"Will, I'm so sorry," JJ gushed the moment they were alone. "I don't know how it happened. I was so stupid."

"Sshhh, JJ," he soothed, sitting beside her on the examination table, and pulling her into his arms. "It was just an accident; it wasn't your fault."

"But the baby…" she choked, remembering the chill that had pierced through her body when she realised she was falling.

"The baby's fine, darlin'," he reminded her, smoothing down her long hair. "Everythin' is OK."

She pulled away from him and took a deep breath, stopping the sobs before she let herself become hysterical.

"That's better," he smiled, wiping her tears, careful to avoid putting any pressure on her bruises. "How about I get my little raccoon out of here?"

"Morgan thought I looked more like a panda," she replied with a watery laugh.

"We'll let Henry have the decidin' vote then," he grinned, causing her smile to become stronger, as he helped her down from the bed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Let's get you home."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Firstly, thank you for reading and reviewing the last chapter. Secondly, massive apologies for the delay in updating. I've been super busy with real life and also got a little distracted with another story. But here's a rather fluffy update, which I hope you'll enjoy, and I'm going to try to give this story equal attention now!**

**/**  
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Henry LaMontagne had a very important task to carry out. Slowly and carefully, he made his way from the kitchen to the living room. His tongue stuck out of his mouth at an awkward angle as he concentrated on the job in hand. Eventually he reached his destination, where his mother lay on the sofa, and presented her with the tray.

"I brought you lunch," he grinned.

JJ pulled the tray onto her lap with her good hand and smiled back at her son. At Will's insistence she had spent most of the last few days resting at home. Taking it easy was beginning to grate on her nerves but it seemed her husband had sent in reinforcements in his quest to wrap her in cotton wool.

"Thank you," she told the still smiling boy. She was actually rather impressed that he had managed to carry the tray without spilling soup everywhere. Not that she was excited to see yet another bowl of soup. Since her fall, Will was definitely struggling with the pregnant/sick divide.

"Can I draw on your arm?" Henry asked, now that his good deed was done.

"Once I've finished eating," JJ agreed with a laugh. Her cast already contained a red and blue scribble, which was apparently Spiderman, and an exploding watermelon, because someone had been showing her six year old YouTube videos.

"You have to eat it all," Henry told her quickly, remembering more of his instructions.

"Do I?" JJ replied, speaking more to the person she knew was lurking in the hall than to her son. "Why's that?"

"Daddy said," Henry answered, betraying his father.

"Why doesn't Daddy come in here and tell me himself?" she said with a slight smirk.

Will appeared in the doorway with a sheepish smile, as she raised her eyebrows.

"It's good for you darlin' – you should do what our son says."

"You don't fight fair," she replied.

"Eat, Momma!" Henry instructed, as Will stood behind him and rested his hand on his shoulder.

With a shake of her head, JJ picked up her spoon and started to eat. It was a struggle to balance the bowl and do so with the use of just one hand, and she was immensely relieved that it wasn't her dominant wrist she had injured.

"What are you gonna draw on Momma after she has her lunch?" Will asked Henry, with a mischievous grin on his face.

"A raccoon!" Henry exclaimed excitedly.

JJ raised her eyebrows again and Will laughed. At least her boys were entertaining her while she was stuck at home.

/  
/

By the time Garcia visited later that day, JJ's cast was adorned with a six-year old's interpretation of a raccoon, which just happened to be twice the size of Spiderman. She'd spent the afternoon in her designated position on the sofa, with a blanket draped over her legs, and was desperately trying to stave off boredom. Will and Henry had gone to the park and she had watched about twenty seconds of every TV channel before determining that there was nothing she wanted to see. When the doorbell rang, indicating the technical analyst's arrival, she practically leapt to her feet.

"Oh JJ!" Penelope gasped as the door opened to reveal her friend's bruised face.

"It looks worse than it is," JJ insisted, brushing off Penelope's concern. "But that doesn't mean I won't be taking advantage of your make-up expertise when I come back to work!" she added.

"Five minutes with my make-up brushes and you'll look good as new," Penelope assured her with a grin. "Now, I brought some caffeine free tea so I insist that you sit your pretty little self down, and let me get us a drink." She bustled past JJ, towards the kitchen.

"At least it's not soup," JJ muttered, closing the door and following her friend.

/  
/

It wasn't long before JJ and Penelope had settled down in the living room and fallen into conversation. Apparently a fresh prank war had emerged between Reid and Morgan and everyone else was counting the days until JJ returned to bring them under control. Even Hotch had a limited ability to intervene. JJ laughed as Garcia recounted a particular incident where all moveable items from Reid's desk had found themselves encased in jello. The technical analyst also smiled, taking a sip of tea, as her friend laughed. But as her eyes drifted to JJ's bump her expression became more serious.

"You could have told me, Jayje," she said, sounding a little hurt. It had upset her that she was the last to know about her friend's pregnancy.

"I didn't actually tell anyone other than Hotch," JJ reminded her. "Everyone else figured it out for themselves."

"I know, but I could have helped you. I could have held your hair back when you were sick, or brought you pickles or whatever it is you pregnant people crave," Penelope replied. "You're my best friend," she added with a sad smile.

"You can still do that stuff if you really want to," JJ told her with a humourless laugh. "I'm still a hormonal, nauseated mess!"

Garcia smiled sympathetically, and then shook her head and took hold of JJ's hand.

"I'm being silly," she said. "And selfish – this isn't about me. It's about you and that little baby," she continued, nodding towards JJ's swollen abdomen.

"I wish I'd told you," JJ admitted sincerely. She hadn't thought of the support her friend could have offered of only she'd known.

"Well, I know now," Penelope responded, brightening up. "So if there is anything that you need, all you have to do is yell." She patted JJ's hand and grinned.

"I'll remind you of that when I'm the size of a house, stuck at my desk and in constant need of food!"

"I can't wait," Garcia grinned. "We're going to have a new BAU baby, and it's going to be one of the most spoiled children that ever lived!"

JJ shook her head, but couldn't help but enjoy the warm sensation which brewed inside. She remembered the times she had brought Henry into the office to see her friends. The memories were so clear – the weight of the tiny, blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms, and the happiness that surrounded her and her child. For one of the first times since taking the test, she let herself imagine experiencing that joy again.

"Do you want to see the pictures from the ultrasound?" she asked, allowing her friend's excitement to infect her as Garcia nodded eagerly. It had finally struck her that there might be moments of this pregnancy which she could enjoy.

/  
/

Later in the evening, JJ was once again lying on the sofa on her own. As she watched the highly predictable romantic comedy she had eventually selected to entertain herself, she absentmindedly traced circles over her bump with her fingertips, and a smile formed on her lips.

"You look happy," Will's voice remarked, and she looked up to see he had joined her in the room.

"I am," she smiled, as he sat beside her, and she lay her head against his chest. "Is Henry asleep?"

"Out like a light," Will replied. "I think all the soccer and fresh air wore him out," he continued with a yawn.

"Looks like he's not the only one," JJ laughed, turning to face him and stroking her fingers along his jaw and then pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"What's put you in such a good mood?" he asked, noticing that his wife's entire face seemed to glow as she smiled.

"We're having a baby," she replied, as though the information was new.

"Have you just figured that out?" he teased, though he understood what she meant. After living with their fears and secrets so long, and then facing the scare that accompanied her fall, they'd had very little opportunity to become truly excited about the prospect of becoming parents again. "I hope she's got your smile," he grinned, intertwining his fingers with JJ's and running his thumb up and down the side of her hand.

"She?" she questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"Just a feelin'," he replied, surprised to find that it was possible for his smile to grow wider.

"I think you're right," she agreed, lying back down against his chest and positioning his hands over her bump.

As they turned their attention to the movie playing on the TV, they both imagined the person that the life growing beneath their hands could become. And, for that night at least, they allowed themselves to dream of all the possibilities which lay ahead of them.


End file.
